Genesis Retold: Part One

Based on the New Revised Standard Version of the Holy Bible

Chapter One

Before there was earth and sky, the earth was a formless void and darkness covered the chaotic waters. A strong wind and lightning swept over these waters and light appeared: sometimes it was light and sometimes it was dark.

A dome began to form around the earth, separating the chaotic waters, forming a sky. The waters on earth began to gather into one place (the seas) and dry land appeared (the ground).

The ground began to bring forth vegetation: plants and fruit trees and trees of every kind containing seeds.

Stars and other lights were in the sky, which were used for seasons, days, and years. The greater light was the sun, which shined during the day. The lesser light was the moon, which shined during the night.

The water brought forth swarms of living creatures, and birds flew above the earth in the sky. There were great sea monsters and every living creature the water swarms with. These sea creatures were fruitful and multiplied and they filled the waters of the sea, while the birds multiplied on the land.

The earth brought forth living creatures: cattle and creeping things and wild animals.

Humans appeared, male and female, and they became thinking creatures, and they had dominion over the fish of the sea, the birds of the air, the cattle, the wild animals, and every creeping thing. They were fruitful and multiplied; they filled the earth and tamed nature.

Every plant and every fruit tree were the food for the humans. Every green plant was food for the beasts, birds, and everything that creeps on the earth.

Belief in God: An Analysis of My Early Years

Introduction
I'd like to analyze my earliest beliefs about God, to explain why I believed what I believed as a young boy and young man. I'd also like to stop shy of my current beliefs, since those don't really matter for this post. I also do not want to argue any belief or disbelief in God. I'm not trying to convince you of that (even if I write in the second person). This is a self-analysis of what started it all, but not a statement where I ended up or of what you should think.

500 Page Tome vs. 12 Line Scrap of Paper

I ordered, online, a used copy of Christopher Hitchens' The Portable Atheist: Essential Readings for the Nonbeliever in which Hitchens collects atheist writings by 47 authors from the past more than 2000 years. Hidden inside was this tiny square of paper:


I feel that the universe is in balance.

Parable #4

The Parable of the Wooden Talents: A Lost Parable of Jesus Christ

When Jesus and his disciples had departed from the house of Simon the leper in Bethany, the Lord gathered his disciples together and spoke unto them a parable. Thus he spoke: "There lived a man who collected for himself wooden talents. Other men collected talents of gold and lived richly, enjoying the pleasures of the world. But the man who collected wooden talents could not live as they lived, for the wooden talents were worthless and of no value. Other men mocked this man, saying, 'See this man who collects only wooden talents! They are useless, for they are made of wood and not fine gold. He will die a poor man who has not tasted the pleasures of life.'

"But the man who collected wooden talents did not heed the other men, for he had found a greater happiness for himself than that which can be found in gold. Though the wooden talents only brought him a life of poverty and depravation in life, he felt that they were holy. And the day that the man died, he gathered his wooden talents around him and said aloud, 'I have spent my life, indeed my youth and my old age, collecting these holy wooden talents. The wicked that collect gold around me die, the same as I am surely dying now, but they have lived lives of pleasure. I have lived the life of a man who only collects wooden talents.' And the man died."

Then the disciples, who had heard Jesus speak many parables in the past, hastened to interpret the meaning of the parable. Peter spoke to the Lord: "Rabbi, I have an interpretation of your parable." Then Jesus spoke, saying, "Let us hear." Peter spoke, interpreting: "The man with the wooden talents is likened to the disciples of the Lord, who are few in number. He is not great in wealth, but he has in his possession the secrets to the Kingdom of Heaven. The other men with the golden talents are likened unto the world, who are great in number. They have great fortune, but their happiness only lies in worldly things. Therefore we should be as the man who collects wooden talents, separating ourselves from the sin and flesh of the world." And Jesus heard Peter's words, but he spake not.

When the other disciples lay themselves to rest, Judas Iscariot approached the Lord, saying, "Rabbi, tell me the true meaning of the parable of the wooden talents." And the Lord spoke to him, saying, "The man with the wooden talents are indeed as the disciples of the Lord, as Peter has spoken. And the men with the golden talents are the world. But verily I say unto you that the wooden talents are made only of wood and are worthless. If they make a man happy, it is a fool's happiness. If it make a man happy to spit upon those who spend gold, it is a prideful man who spits, and a fool. If a man say that wood is holy, he is a fool. The gold, however, is likened unto happiness and of life, for it contains something of value. Man should enjoy what riches can be found in life and not hoard things that have no value, calling it 'holy.' Therefore, live in the world, Judas, and do not waste your life as a man who collects wooden talents."

When Judas heard these words, his eyes were opened. He said unto the Lord: "If then, Lord, I should happen to find true wealth, and not a fool's wooden talent, shall I then accept it? What if not gold, Lord? What if I am given thirty pieces of silver to do a task? Shall I accept even silver, trading in my wooden talents, seeing as silver has true worth?" And the Lord spake: "It would be wise for you to do so, Judas Iscariot." Judas then departed from the presence of the Lord, and Jesus began that day to make preparations for the Passover.

Charles Darwin, Prophet of God: On the Origin of Species

If you do a Google search for "God," "prophet," and "Charles Darwin," you'll see that I'm not the first to suggest what I'm about to say, that Darwin was a prophet of God. (Luckily, the point of this writing isn't simply to make that claim.) You know how both believers and non-believers are always asking why God doesn't speak to anyone anymore like he did a few thousand years ago? Or those who say that God will reveal more about himself one day, but we'll just have to wait? Those people have obviously never read Charles Darwin.

When Charles Darwin published The Origin of Species in 1859, we learned more about God than we had in hundreds of years. We arguably learned more than we ever had from any other book, sacred or otherwise.

Parable #3

The Parable of the Stoners

Once there was a homeless, unemployed guy named Al who moved into the apartment of a guy named Doug, who let Al live there rent-free. Doug said to Al, "Feel free to use any of my crap you see lying around. You can even dip into my stash if you want to. But if you so much as touch my Walkman, I'll kill you."

During the day, when Doug was gone, Al killed time with Doug's videogames and records and VHS tapes, but he eventually got bored with nothing to do all day long. So Doug hooked Al up with this chick named Edie who decided to crash at the apartment too.

One day, a dude named Stan came over when Doug was gone and Al was sleeping on the couch. Stan said to Edie, "You should totally listen to Doug's Walkman." When she said that Doug told them not to, Stan said, "He won't do anything. It's a demo of his solo stuff. You totally have to hear it."

So she listened to Doug's Walkman and gave it to Al when he woke up. The music was so funny to them that they knew they couldn't look Doug in the face when he got home. When Doug did get home, they tried to hold in their laughter, but they couldn't. "You assholes have been listening to my Walkman, haven't you?" Doug said.

"Stan told us to," they said. So Doug pushed Stan over and kicked him in the side. Then Doug said to the couple, "All right, you guys are out of here. I guess you'll have to follow your loser boyfriend around, huh Edie? And as for you, bro, I guess you'll have to, like, get a job and stuff."

After they left, Doug put a padlock on the door so they wouldn't break in and take his stash.

*

I believe the moral of this story is obvious.

They Might Be Giants: Here Comes Science

When I was a kid in the 1980s -- willing and wanting to believe in pretty much anything, from ghosts to centaurs to Robin Hood to the angel Gabriel -- I never doubted one thing: science is real. I never had a problem with that concept. Some things can be believed or imagined or wished for, while other things can actually be proven. Easy enough for a small child to understand.

Apparently, many adults today (and, as a result, their children) don't care much for science, don't "believe" in it--as if it's a belief system and not a method that helps us understand the way things actually are. I don't feel like I have an accurate sense of how rampant this fact-hating phenomenon is, but what I do know is that I have DVDs of Walt Disney movies and TV shows from the 1940s to the 1960s that discussed and taught things like evolution and the Big Bang to an audience of millions of average American children and families without apology. Well over fifty years later, however -- in an age that you'd imagined would have progressed even further -- the band They Might Be Giants feel compelled to make a children's record that attempts to, in the long-awaited words of our president, "restore science to its rightful place."